|Enemies||James Earl Cash|
|Voiced by||Robert Stanton|
Smiley 1 is a member of the Smileys gang, most commonly found wearing a blue t-shirt, grey overalls, and a yellow Smiley mask (which is also used for the game's icon). He is voiced by Robert Stanton.
Like most of The Smileys, he was an escaped inmate of Darkwoods Penitentiary. Mentally unstable, this Smiley hallucinates about a frightening entity named "Mr. Witchetty Man" and can be heard ranting about "head juice" and different types of bones. He has also lost his shoes and believes James Earl Cash to be the one responsible for taking them.
The Smiley's dialogue implies that he lives out his childhood of losing his shoes, perhaps by a dog. This is further evident in that he repeatedly calls out for a dog ("Where's a good boy..."), presumably to reclaim his shoes. It is also a possibility that he was abused by his mother when he lost them. However, if he successfully kills Cash, the Smiley might realize that the player never had his shoes in the first place, laughing at his misunderstanding.
When not aggressive, the Smiley is quite friendly to his teammates, often asking them for their shoes.
- "Why my shoes? Plenty of other shoes out there. Why mine?"
- "Witchetty, Witchetty, Witchetty, Witchetty..."
- "Bones, bad bones, black bones, lazy bones."
- "There's a good boy. There's a good boy. There's a good boy..."
- "Nasty, smelly, wiggly, squiggly Mr. Witchetty Man!"
- "Gonna get his head juice, see how he likes it! That's what I'm gonna do."
- "I bet he's wiggling around here someplace, all fat and white and full of head juice."
- "Can't face another night without my shoes...I don't know why they have to take them away!"
- "Where are you, boy? Where are you, boy? Where are you, boy?"
- "[singing] Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones..."
Heard a Noise Edit
- "I heard you, you nasty, wiggly Witchetty Man!"
- "Give me your head juice!"
- "Is that a Witchetty grumble wigglin' and a squigglin' around?"
- "Where's a good boy? [whistles] Where's a good boy?"
- "I know the sound of my own shoes, asshole!"
- "Hey, I hear my shoes! My shoes!"
- "Was that a wiggle, Mr. Witchetty Man?"
- "Head juices! Head juices..."
- "Bones! Witchetty!"
- "My shoes!"
- "DOG LEGS!"
Searching for Cash Edit
- "Where are you, you weaseley, wiggly, Witchetty scumbag?"
- "I know you're here...You left a trail of head juice!"
- "Big bones..."
- "Dog legs, dog legs!"
- "I recognize these shoe prints! They're made by MY SHOES!"
- "I'm gonna find ya and I'm gonna squeeze allll your juice out, yes I am!"
- "Just a little head juice, that's all I need."
- "Just throw the shoes over to me!"
Returning to Idle Edit
- "[Out of breath] God damn...shoe thief."
- "[Out of breath] Ah, come here, boy. Good boy."
- "[Out of breath] Ah, mouth's dry..."
Found Dead Hunter Edit
- "Mr. Witchetty's here! I'm not lying this time, honest!"
- "Nurse, please believe me!"
- "He's here! I can show you!"
Inspecting Dead Hunter Edit
- "I don't want this guy's shoes!"
- "Hey, he didn't take this guy's shoes."
- "Mr. Witchetty Man sucked out all his head juice!"
- "Let's all lay down like this guy. Maybe he's on to something."
- "Lazy bones! Lazy bones..."
- "You take a rest, pal. We'll find the filthy thief."
Spotted Cash Edit
- "There he is, wriggling his squiggly, Witchetty ass!"
- "Hey everybody--he came!"
- "Hey, who are you? Hold on--aren't those my shoes?"
- "Hey, wait a minute!"
- "He's over there! [Laughs] He's got my shoes on!"
- "Big bones! Big, big bones!"
Upon Killing CashEdit
- "Hey wait a minute...these aren't my shoes after all!"
- "[Laughs] Whaddya know? They're his shoes!"
- "Bad dog! BAD DOG!"
- "He's turning into a pupa! [Laughs] Pesky Witchetty Man!"
- "I know you ain't dead, Witchetty Man!"
- "C'mon, wiggle! WIGGLE!"
Begging for Mercy Edit
- "I just wanted my fucking shoes!"
- "I-I'm sorry I lost my shoes, mommy! I'm sorry!"
- "Witchetty! [screams] Witchetty!"
- "You want my head juice? Fine! Take it!"
- "There's a good boy. There's a good boy. [laughs nervously] There's a good boy..."
- "But I don't want to be food for your wiggly kids, Witchetty Man!"
- "NURSE! Oh Go-- Mr. Witchetty's got me! He's got me!"
- "I feel the wiggling. HE'S WIGGLING!"
- "I know you're here!"
- "C'mon, make more noise! Make more noise!"
- "Big bones! I want big bones!"
- "Service...I demand service!"
- "Nurse, he's got my shoes! He's got my shoes!"
- "Wakey, WAKEY!"
- "It's the Witchetty Man! Help, HELP!"
- "Those are my shoes! MY SHOES!"
- "Wahoo! Witchetty Man!"
- "[Sings Richard Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries]"
- "We got you, we got you!"
- "There's a good boy...DOG LEGS!
- "[grunts] The shoes! They're... [grunts]"
- "This is wrong! This is [grunts] so wrong!"
- "Gah, stop it! They're all shouting at once!"
- "Big bones!"
- "You can't have my head juice! [gasps] You can't!"
- "Look...just give me back my god damn shoes, okay?"
- "All ya have to do is give 'em back! Just kick 'em off and give 'em back!"
- "My shoes! Give 'em back now, you shoe-thievin' bastard!"
- "There, there! Go to sleep!"
- "Witchetty! Witchetty Man!"
- "Oh no, no, no, not my head juice! YOURS! Your head juice!"
- "There's a good boy!"
- "Just give up the damn shoes, you crazy-ass, shoe-thieving, shoe thief!"
- "Please...just give me back my damn shoes!"
- "Bones...Big bones!"
- "I said stop getting smaller!"
- "Dog legs, dog legs, fetch, fetch! Good boy! There's a good boy!"
- "Why my shoes, huh? Why mine?"
- "C'mere, shoe-thieving bastard!"
- "Big bones! Witchetty scum!"
- "Head juice!"
- "My shoes!"
- "There's a good boy!"
- "Witchetty, Witchetty, Witchetty Man!"
- "DOG LEGS!"
- "Grubby, grubbly, grubbly, wiggly, squiggly Witchetty Man!"
- "Where--where are my shoes? Where are my damn shoes!?"
- "HEEEEAD JUUUICE!"
- "Nurse! NURSE!"
- "Witchetty!? Witchetty!"